Gazkhan endorses the 'Adopt-a-Hun Foundation'

Today began, for me, with the same basic ingredients of any morning after the night before - head like a soggy bearskin, legs like an hour old foal, and fleeting worries about what all that kumis is doing to my liver. My stomach felt as though it could not face a repeat of last nights disemboweling - of the sacrificial sheep you understand, were more civilized now. Still the entrails have to be read if one wants to keep in touch with the latest prophecies.
        However, last nights forecast mentioned nothing about the marvelous and heartwarming scheme, which has just been brought to my attention this very morning. For some reason the founders of this scheme prefer to remain anonymous - perhaps it keeps them safe from retribution - but the idea which is embodied in the 'Adopt-a-Hun Foundation’ campaign is one which is dear to my heart. Only the other night, as I lay contemplating the underside of the banqueting table - must have rolled off of my couch after a couple of drinks, they are a horrible Roman idea really -the wailing of a Hunnic infant prompted me to think of these poor abandoned waifs. Of course such problems are usually solved - by a quick trip to the nearest river -but on reflection shouldn’t every little Hunnic lad get the chance to tour through Europe just like his daddy did.
        The sad fact of the situation is that some of the lads just don't make it home from some of our more strenuous excursions - you would think people didn't like tourists. This means, of course, that families suffer - it isn't easy for a working mother to manage when there's no hubby bringing the loot home, and the children really do miss the gentle touch of a father's club around the head, and I'm sure that as you can imagine life in a Hunnic orphanage isn't a bundle of fun even for the hardiest of children.
        I know that some of you may feel less than charitable towards us Huns but do try to put aside any personal prejudices that you may hold. If a few of us happen to have trespassed on your land it's probably because we got lost on our way to the seaside. - don't mean to upset anyone - it's really just a case of youthful high spirits and whilst I  must apologize for any loses caused I’m sure you can find it in your hearts to forgive the odd spot of looting and pillaging with most of us it's only the excitement of being away from home for the first time.
        I ask you please don't let your judgment be coloured by any idle gossip or nasty rumours spread by people trying to stop us from enjoying ourselves, they are after all only the usual spoil sports. Go for it adopt-a-Hun tomorrow, fill up that empty corner in your heart, you only need a spare room with a strong bolt, if not a large ball and chain would be quite sufficient. however, it might be wise to hide your horses and lock up your women from these playful youngsters, as Huns do tend to mature rather early.
        Now if you don t feel quite ready for the responsibilities of parent­hood but still feel that you want to help how about a postal adoption? - send a few solidi, any amount will do, direct to me at here; Gazkhan Enter­prises, Gothic Palisade, Burgundy Bends, The Steppe and I'll make sure it goes to the right place.